I was exposed to a bad PTSD trigger on Saturday and dissociated for a bit and have been in a state of derealization since. Now that my therapist helped me not panic about this feeling, I’ve found myself curious about how other people have experienced this.
For me, everything seems muted. People and their expressed emotions, colors, general vibes in different situations etc. Everything is just wrong and unsettling. It’s like everything just isn’t existing enough to feel tangible. Iam fully aware that my perception is very wrong because I’ve asked people if things seem off at all and they’ve said no. I was very scared for like two days until I was able to book an appointment with my therapist and now I’m not as scared and the derealization doesn’t feel as disconcerting, but it’s still there. Hoping things will be back to normal when I wake up in the morning.
I think I experienced it. Everything seemed different. I felt like I awoke from a 10 year nap. Everything before that moment was meaningless and something was different now. I questioned who I was and what I wanted. I felt like a different person and questioned if I wanted to be the person I was before. Did I want to be the me from before or the me from now? I snapped out of it after a few hours. I knew what was happening while it was happening. I had heard about disassociation before but didn’t expect it to be like this. I’ve had it a few times since (much more mild) but nothing compared to that first experience. I still don’t understand a lot about my mental health. I spend a lot of time daydreaming for lack of a better word and I’ve wondered if they’re related. For me, it didn’t seem scary like you described. Everything just seemed dull. I just experienced things as they were without assigning much emotion to it. Reading this back, this sounds insane. Oh well, y’all can read it.
Just curious, since this strikes me as being a DID-like experience. Do you remember typing this? Additionally, do you have a tendency to forget events that are occurring?
Yes, I remember typing this. I don’t have memory gaps. I don’t think I have DID. I don’t know exactly what I have but it’s very different from that. I kind of suck at explaining it.
Huh. That’s a really huge amount of time distortion for lacking memory gaps…
What do you mean?
It’s just hard for a system to adapt to using such extreme mechanisms. In the vast, vast majority of cases, traits like this only develop out of necessity. You also describe identity disturbance, feeling dull, daydreaming a lot. It reminds me of a few of my/our friends–almost all of whom have BPD, and several with C-PTSD or DID.
Not that it’ll affect your life to a significant degree. Just found this particular response a little interesting.