I guess that is because people don’t understand what the fediverse is and why it exists. It is one of the foundational problems the fediverse aims to fix. Marginalized communities get all the tools and authority to protect themselves from hatred and abuse.

That would require people actually recommending specific websites

I actually think that’s the way to go! lemmy.blahaj.zone would be one example of a queer-inclusive community.

well in that case join an instance that doesn’t federate with queer/transphobe instances? This is the advantage of federated social networks - it gives full control to the people who run their own instances