I come from a family with fairly rural roots. My parents were the only ones among their siblings to pursue college, and they raised me with an immense appreciation for education and the opportunities it brings. I currently hold a Masters degree in engineering and would like to pursue Law or an MBA in the future. My academic experience and qualifications are a significant part of who I am as an adult. As I continue to grow, I’ve noticed that it becomes harder to connect with some loved ones who are less educated and ultimately less adept at thinking critically and having discussions. I find that ideas, that to me are obvious, sometimes require significant effort from others to appreciate the full depth. Furthermore, I have also found that on average people are not interested in connecting with one another as deeply as I’m interested. For example, if I ask a question, I truly want to know the answer, I’m not just queuing up my own thoughts as response. I always try to be poetic and gracious when explaining these feelings because I’d imagine this would be received better than saying “I think people are dumb and hard to connect with”, but that’s how I feel a lot of times in plain English. I am interested in learning better ways to maintain relationships with people I may have these feelings my about.
It is going to be harder having a discussion with people who have a significantly different body of knowledge than you because it takes more effort in communicating. For some, it means explaining a lot more than you would otherwise need to. For others, you aren’t going to be able to explain it enough.
One thing that I’d ask is what they are talking about. I don’t think it is exactly fair to pull laypeople into the topics that you are educated in and expect an enriching conversation.
Do you try 1:1 instead of group discussion? I have this one aunt who was never educated, didn’t seem able to think logically. It wasn’t until I was in college that I had a really good conversation with just her, and it was a world of difference
I see you, and I can relate. Sorry to hear about your family tho, we did not chose who to be born with but thankfully we can find our own communities or friendsgroup where we hopefully can find social satisfaction and belonging.
I have since moved away from that town but there i found a community around pholosophy, it started out as a social event but I quickly found people who took their time to go out and discuss philosophy every second tuesday had a certain depth, many of then were not that socially sharp but for sure was cuorius people and it led to beautiful friendships.
So what i want to say is people can be interesting but many are just exhausted and jist struggle with the daily life, some are just shallow people, but to go to some events or activities that attract a certain group can be really benificial for one who is a seeker of meaningfull relations.
Another advice I have is also traveling, on many hostels I have found great people!
So now i saw the last bit of text… and realize I gave nothing of value to what you asked.
Well, you are educated but not yet wise. Humility and respect will get you further down that road more quickly. Everyone carries something worth knowing.
Are you from a South Asian country like me?
Hard lesson is you don’t. It is nor because you are better educated than them. It is because of the mismatch of how you view this world.
Education under capitalism create weird notions like these, where one feel they are better because they got educated. As some other commenter said, everyone is stupid. You have some knowledge in a certain domain, and you process the world in that framework. The ‘less educated’ people have knowledge in some other domain. Even knowing how to work underthe scorching sun and keep yourself healthy itself is a knowledge that is hard to achieve. Maintaining your physical health and being able to do physical labour everyday, is something we the educated can only dream of.
The key point is there are more things out there than you know. Also the ratio is so skewed that what is know is miniscule compared to what you don’t know.
If you are doubting the fact that you can learn new things from anyone out there, then you are in a wrong path. Keep the curiosity up and acknowledge and accept the differences among people. This is critical to have a nurturing world view.
I think people are dumb
Great. So you have found out. That’s good.
What’s not so good: you still think that you aren’t. You won’t get far with that attitude. One day you must learn that everybody is dumb, and needs the help of others. Maybe in different ways, but so what.
The brain does not make you better. The emotions don’t make them better, or the communication, etc.
Still everybody is valuable. Extremely valuable even. No human is more valuable or less valuable than another human. But all humans are unique, and you can have great times finding out what makes this one unique, and the next one…
Tell yourself such things when approaching your fellows in idiocy ;-)
Try “dumbing down” your language, though I’ve always hated that saying. Language is meant to convey thoughts and emotions, it’s up to the dealer to decide how they speak. Edit: meant to say that there’s no wrong way to speak so long as you convey what you need to.
That said, if you like the way you speak, try to be more emotionally expressive as you talk. Smile, frown, whatever. Not to a comical degree, mind you.
But the thing that’s most important is, everyone is different. It takes a different approach and amount of effort for each one, so try not to generalize people too much.
And intelligence comes in many forms. Sometimes you gotta do a little digging to tease it out.
Thank you. I agree that there is no wrong way to speak but I feel like there are wrong ways to communicate. I can spend hours asking loved ones questions and listening to their thoughts etc, but I’ve noticed that most don’t ever ask me as many questions as I ask them. They never seem as interested or even as capable of understanding me. I feel like I make an effort to truly understand people, or at the very least to give myself of an understanding of what they’re presenting to me, in ways that are never reciprocated. For example, I have friends I communicate with using very crass language with, as our main relationship is casual with no commitments. I have friends that I share a common affiliation and goals with that are essentially pseudo-coworkers, but the job was school.
Idk I’ve just been feeling lonelier than I ever have before and I was curious what I could learn by sharing my thoughts. I feel embarrassed by how much these replies mean to me but I also feel grateful for any genuine engagement.Hmm. It sounds as though your family is slacking on their end. They should be reciprocating, yes, but there may be a reason they aren’t. It’s possible they feel intimidated by you, for example.
Honestly, I would recommend a one on one heart to heart with each of them. Ask them if they aren’t interested in you. It’s probably gonna be really difficult, but I think talking it out might be the best option.
If you’ve tried this already, I’m afraid your family is firmly on the wrong side of things here.
I wish you the best. I legitimately hope things work out for you and your family. Good luck, and keep at it! You’ve been doing a great job so far, you may also just need a break from things for a while. Maybe time for a camping trip?
Have you considered you might be on the spectrum? Most people love to talk about bullshit and who is fucking whom and sportsball and what not. If you don’t like talking about that, it’s probably time to just write off being friends with 95% of the human race.
Considered it but I don’t think it matters anymore
If you are autistic, it definitely does matter. You’re going to spend a lot of time trying to fix what isn’t wrong with you otherwise. Example: this post.
I think the best way to do that is to remember that if the relationship is important to you then it’s your responsibility to be the one who tries, but you have to understand, some people just are hard to get along with, and others are just boring, but if you love or care for them you just accept that and find a way to bridge the gap between you and them. Understand that you may just have to give up, it is what it is, but making the effort absolves yourself of the guilt, you tried, it’s all any of us can do.
I find taking interest on what they’re interested in really helps, sometimes it will surprise you that their interests can become a shared interest. My kids and I can talk for hours about their stuff, and I’m just happy to participate.
Also, be a good listener, anyone can talk and be the life of the party and show off the charisma, but listening takes patience, understanding, empathy and compassion.
Best of luck to you.
MBAs are for sociopaths, maybe once you graduate you won’t care about having relationships with others
