I don’t need condoms for the same reason I need twice as much toilet paper. I could still go for the wine but it makes the whole experience kind of sad.

Whats weird is, unrelated to the pandemic, I always buy the massive pack of toilet paper. I think it’s like 28 rolls. And I had bought that JUST before all the panic. It’s just how I naturally do this. Buy the big one, and like a year later it runs out.

Then the panic starts, and my mom calls, and says “I was out shopping and picked you up some toilet paper, in case you need it!”

“Oh, I’m good. I just bought some.”

“Just take the damn toilet paper! These shelfs are empty! You don’t know when you’ll get some!”

Gives me ANOTHER of the same size I just bought.

Then my dad calls.

“Hey, I know you sometimes have trouble finding time to go grocery shopping, so I got you some toilet paper. These stores are going crazy!”

“Oh, no no. I have more then enough.”

“I already bought it, and I don’t think you can return toilet paper.”

Gives me a 16 roll pack.

Then my sister calls.

“Heeeeeey, I was out at Costco earlier, and these stores are running out of toilet paper. Luckily I got each of us a 60 roll pack.”

“Nooooooo…I have so much as it is! Mom AND dad gave me a bunch.”

“Well I don’t have room in my house for all this! I got one for you, and one for (other sister), and one for mom!”

gives me 60 more rolls

Then my other sister calls.

“Heeeeey, so (first sister) got me 60 rolls of toilet paper. I don’t like the costco brand. So I’m giving it to you.”

"You know she already got me one, rigUS #+ “Well I don’t like it. So now its yours.”

gives me ANOTHER 60 rolls

Then my aunt called.

“Hey do you need toilet paper?”

“NO!”

“Geez, don’t get mad at me! I’m just helping you out. Take this, and only use it for emergancies.”

gives me a 4 roll pack

I still have a decent amount of toilet paper. Both 60 packs remain unopened. I haven’t looked in that closet to see exactly where I am, but I think I’m at like 60% unused.