Basically when I’m relaxed I act submissively but only when I’m on the alert I am assertive. It’s like when someone asks you a math question out of the blue versus when you know you have to be ready for one.
Is this normal? Or should I try being more passively assertive?
I’d say practice being more assertive. Both in reality and find someone to pretend or role-play with that is somewhat like you. Take turns being the angry person you need to call, or random street person asking for directions and try out different tactics and discuss. Mirror situations you’ve experienced and invent new ones that might.