I bought a safe. wtf do I need a safe for?
Safes aren’t just for theft prevention. Indeed the small ones probably don’t do anything in that regard ,but many are fireproof as well, so you can keep documents safe if your house burns down.
I’ve made way too many impulse purchases but off the top of my head I can’t think of one that’s “funny”.
When I went through a breakup two years ago, the first day I bought a $200 bong made out of titanium
You can literally drive over it with a pickup truck, it is amazing
3000 years in the future archeological digs will find it and believe it was used for some special ritual.
you should rub your dick all over it, as a joke. it’ll be hilarious in 3000 years dude.
lemme hit
8 inch googly eyes. Put them in the Christmas tree.
Test tube full of little googly eyes. When I’m feeling depressed I stick them to random stuff around the house.
Stick those suckers on everything, everywhere, all at once.
My fridge has some. My monitors used to have some too but those damn new thin bezels. :why_holding_up_hands_and_looking_up_in_slight_anger:
A rubber egg. Sold at an odds-and-ends booth at a teaching fair, this egg looks like a real, brown-shelled chicken egg. More than once I’ve dropped this “egg” in front of people while cooking.
Also have one. I keep placing it among the réal eggs. it got boiled once . wife ans kids triéd to crack it a few times. Latest win was placing it in my daughter’s makeup kit. It looks a lot l’îke one of her spongy thingy.
I went over to my old boss’s house one time and saw a car under a cover. He explained that it was a custom ultralight racer built off the chassis to a 1967 Lotus Europa. I was blown away and said that I hadn’t realized he was a car guy.
He laughed and said “I’m not. Don’t go on ebay drunk.”
The Lotus Europa is an awesome looking car!
Girlfriend broke up with me so I proceeded to buy a $900 motor scooter (fast mo-ped). My best friend also wrecked it and bent the front wheel after owning it for approximately 30 minutes. It did not bring all the girls to the yard but it was fun!
Better safe than sorry.
I read the whole thing. It was interesting, but too long. I don’t reccomend doing that.
Better late than never!
tldr ?
A very long setup to “joke”: “Better nate than lever”
Haven’t seen that in a long time
I read the whole thing. I regret this.
I see what you did there
It sounds like they are sorry they bought a safe.
Ah yes. Let me try again: Buy a safe, then sorry.
Buddy living on a friends couch dropped $8k on a Hayabusa despite having no idea how to ride a bike at all and the town this took place in having no paved roads. Financed the thing too. Kinda wonder where he ended up sometimes
Tell me he put on some off-road tires and treated it like a dirt bike.
That’d be sick, at the time I checked out though it hadn’t left the garage
These stickers
I don’t understand left barb.
Barb (Barbara) gone up an’ r u n n o f t (fled).
I still don’t get it. Is it a song maybe?
It’s a meme thing from country music/trailer park cliches. Truck broke down, dog died, wife left, sort of shite.
https://youtu.be/tsAZ0RweVxk?t=22
O Brother Where Art Thou, a movie like none other
No
These are amazing. Where did they end up going?
My buddy had a manic episode and bought an above ground pool because our friends’ parents were out of town for a week when we were teenagers
I bought a hand made squirrel shaped water pitcher at a ren fest. It was like $200. Pretty sure it’s one of a kind and you won’t be able to Google what it looks like.
I got drunk and bought a t-shirt on eBay.
It featured a rainbow unicorn with the text “HAIL SATAN”.
I don’t need to be drunk to really really want your t-shirt.
3 packages of 32 mini resin axolotls
That sure is a lotls.
It a lot of alotls
This was the final product when I figured out what to do with them :)
You misspelled liek
Ok I’m sold. I’m getting them.
I bought a pound of googly eyes.
It filled a shoebox, I’ve gotten down to one freezer bag.
So many fun things you can do with those!
Oh yeah, I put them on tons of stuff.
Probably my favourite is I took magnets from some fancy boxes and put eyes on them. Now I have googly eye fridge magnets that get moved around my fridge.
In Derail Valley Simulator all my locos have googley eyes
I got an entire cake decorating kit. Guess how many times I’ve made cake and icing after the first time.
Wait, you made one to start with? Cause we did the same thing.
Oh yeah. I made a 7 layer rainbow cake. I’m vegan, so I always get jealous in June that everyone else gets rainbow cake but never me.
Wait, are you saying you want there to be a vegan pride month, or are you just upset that the LGBT cakes have egg in the batter and buttercream frosting?
They didnt tell me there’d be cake if I picked gay…
well i picked gay and didn’t get a cake
the cake was a lie
You should demand cake.
I got an oil paint, brush, canvas, and easel set and used it once lmao
Go paint some shit, dude.
Tbf easel painting is hard.
How long did it take before you bought acrylics and a pad of watercolor paper to replace it?
A high quality love doll. I believe I paid 1600 bucks for it. Used it for about six months while my depression was at its worst. That was a year ago. How the f does one discard a love doll?!
Roll it up in a rug and drop it in a dumpster. Make sure the feet are hanging out.
This better not awaken anything in me… 🤤
were you born in 1988?
I just didn’t know how to write “eternity signs” XD
ah gotcha, always puts me on edge seeing 88 in a username as it’s a very common neonazi dogwhistle (8th letter of the alphabet)
Say WHAT. D: Had I known… 😭
“H” is the eighth letter of the alphabet, so “88” is often used as a shorthand for “Heil Hitler”. It sometimes gets incorporated into usernames.
searches
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/88_(number)
In neo-Nazism
Neo-Nazis use the number 88 as an abbreviation for the Nazi salute Heil Hitler.[11] The letter H is eighth in many European Latin alphabets, whereby 88 becomes HH.[12]
Often, this number is associated with the number 14, e.g. 14/88, 14-88, or 1488; this number symbolizes the Fourteen Words coined by David Lane, a prominent white supremacist.[13] Example uses of 88 include the song “88 Rock ‘n’ Roll Band” by Landser, and the organizations Column 88 and Unit 88.
The number is banned on Austrian license plates due to its association with “Heil Hitler [and] where H comes in the alphabet”.[14] In June 2023, the Italian Football Federation (FIGC) and the Italian government announced that the number 88 would be banned from use in Italian association football, as part of a joint initiative to combat antisemitism. This followed an incident in March of that year in which a Lazio supporter wore a club shirt bearing the name “Hitlerson” and the number 88, which led to the supporter receiving a lifetime ban from attending Lazio matches.[15]
In the US, former FBI assistant director of counterintelligence Frank Figliuzzi declared in 2019 that something as innocuous as raising a flag on the White House to full staff on 8 August (i.e. 8–8) is a “messaging” problem because “the numbers 88 are very significant in neo-Nazi and white supremacy movement.”[16]
https://www.adl.org/resources/hate-symbol/88
88 is a white supremacist numerical code for “Heil Hitler.” H is the eighth letter of the alphabet, so 88 = HH = Heil Hitler. One of the most common white supremacist symbols, 88 is used throughout the entire white supremacist movement, not just neo-Nazis. One can find it as a tattoo or graphic symbol; as part of the name of a group, publication or website; or as part of a screenname or e-mail address. It is even sometimes used as a greeting or sign-off (particularly in messages on social networking websites).
Here’s a ∞ character, kid. Get yourself a better username.
This’ll have to be a placeholder xD
The crane is - alongside the tortoise - a symbol of longevity in Japan :D
Add about 10 lbs (4.5 kg) of raw beef in the rug so you can cover the smell as it rots. Doubles as an anti theft deterrent.
What’ll the investigators make of that… XD
“Is it illegal? Not at all. Is it morally condemnable? Who am I to say? Yes, though.”
I assume you dump it in a creek like an old tire.
“Good evening, officer. No, I was just… Uhhh… Can I just pay the fine?”
Not too shabby, but I think I’m gonna do some research. I’m thinking Edgar Allan Poe, some Stephen King and maybe even some Junji Ito before I decide on what my next step should be.
Quoth the sex doll.
Honestly, sell it. Even if it’s not properly cleaned, you will find someone who’s into it.
Hm… I’ll just check the current market value of bodily fluids per ounce so I don’t get ripped off. :D
I would assume you dispose of the parts that frequently touched your bodily fluids and list the “frame” and where to purchase replacement parts in the eBay listing. Somebody out there wants a sex doll and only has $500. Or contact the manufacturer.
Oh boi… Just when I thought this thread couldn’t get any weirder xD image finding a cut out pussy in the dumpster XD
But in all seriousness, it doesn’t have any detachable parts. It’s cleaned internally with a douche and externally with wipes. :)
You can still list it, you’ll probably find someone who likes them better “broken in”.
If you think about it, it actually increases the value since it has “experience”.
